We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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