your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
