4 words: hood of his car
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
