I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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