She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
