Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
