so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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