so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you will always have a special place in my vag
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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