i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
