Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
