is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
