i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
