if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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