Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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