I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
