Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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