glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have tasted many bathrooms
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
