Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
