i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize