It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
