I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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