that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
