At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
