I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
oh god the rape fog is back!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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