if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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