just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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