cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't notice because vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
