dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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