Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize