I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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