I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
