is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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