omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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