I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
