Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
