apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
