I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
