Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He? As in you personified your dick?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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