I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
