just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
