Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
