im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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