dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
