It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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