Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We were destined to go to rehab together
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
