While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize