As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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