Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
