White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
