The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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