Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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