feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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