The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
