4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
