YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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