she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
