there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
