Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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