6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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