OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
