SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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