Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
