ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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