Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
