I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Everyone says I win the strip club
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
