can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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