You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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