guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
