mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
