If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
