Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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