i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
