Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
