drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
